Well, it’s a tender time, seeing the back end of patriarchy exposed in the Epstein files.

I feel like I’m often digging around in the gears of the patriarchy machine as my graduate studies go on in the psychology of coercive control. I wish that the last year and a half of being saturated in this stuff would equip me with some helpful words for those struggling with what’s coming out right now, but I have been stuck for days. I attempted and scrapped this email 3 times. What do you say, knowing how widespread and normalized the damage is?

What I have learned over the past year and a half though, of taking in the worst cases I’ve ever imagined across domestic violence, human trafficking, gangs, cults, and violent extremism, is something I’ve gleaned from the words and tone of my professors.

Before introducing some particularly grisly material, they often say matter of factly,

“This material is distressing. Just take care of yourself, walk away if you need to, then come back later.” They never coddle anyone and they never make a big deal about it.

What I take from it is:

We are all adults and we need to look at this.

We don’t need to fetishize it or sensationalize it.

We just need to look at it

and take just the right amount of information

so we can do the work to change it.

That is how I feel now, amidst rising fascism and the Epstein files. I am taking in the amount I need to sharpen, to get clearer, and as it is with the material I get exposed to at school, what I take in needs to be balanced with what brings me strength.

So I wonder, dear one, what is it that keeps your spirits up?

And I mean spirits UP, not numbing out.

Raising energy is different than getting your nervous system regulated, resting, or binging TV; it’s about remembering ourselves, what we stand for, and who walks with us. It’s about feeling the essence of what we bring to these times.

For me, lately it’s singing, drumming, big old trees, dancing, ritual, being with dear friends, and writing.

It’s not fluffy stuff, lifting your spirit. It’s survival and reorientation to your own compass and getting the guidance you need to show up in a good way one day at a time. It is also half of the alchemy—because it is allowing grief and rage WHILE keeping our spirits up that will help us break these longstanding collective curses, like the patriarchy machine. Perhaps they are becoming ever more visible, because on some level they are ready to be broken.

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Appreciating

1. An interview I did on A State of Mind podcast about cult dynamics in meditation communities:

2. We had a beautiful Tending the Writer’s Flame at the end of January. I basked in the simplicity of creating together and doing ritual with 20 lovely humans, phone free for a weekend. Registration is open for our May 2-3 non-residential retreat in Victoria, BC

3. Monarca - training everyday Minnesotans to help protect each other’s rights. Democracy support on the ground. They accept donations to support trainings.

4. VJAY bombs protest art

5. Our Phones Are Destroying Human Connections: awesome article by a mom in my neighborhood.

6. Want to explore spirit and art in Greece? My colleague Katherine Rita is leading this program in June: Mediumship & Mythos: A Journey of Animism and Creative Ritual in the Greek Isles. Katherine is a skilled teacher, ritualist, and artist—I absolutely wish I could attend!

7. Web designer Jesse Thom: He has done lots of web work for me in the past and is lovely to work with.

8. The Body is a Doorway by Sophie Strand. It usually takes me a long time to read a book—not this one! I DEVOURED it and re-listened to some chapters over and over. It was my favorite book of 2025.

May you be free and may you be well.

Bio

Rayann is an educator, researcher, and ritualist. She helps 1:1 clients and groups get to know their guides and ancestors, recover from spiritual abuse, and unlock creativity. Currently completing her MSc in the Psychology of Coercive Control at the University of Salford, Rayann also assists research projects at the University of Victoria studying cult survivors’ mental health needs. She lives, quilts, writes, practices Seiðr, and dances on Lekungwen ancestral lands (Victoria, BC, Canada). Rayann co-facilitates Tending the Writer’s Flame and is a member of the Right Use of Power Institute and the Association for Spiritual Integrity.

Learn more: Rayanngordon.com

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When a deep wound occurs that may erode your faith and crumble your inner world, when you can’t trust the people who you used to trust, the God you worshipped, or the systems that were supposed to protect you, where can you turn for nourishment and repair?

Part of recovery is rebuilding our root systems: finding nourishing soil that can hold us, complimentary companions, and steady anchors and supports that make new growth possible.

The modern western world says: get a good therapist. I wholeheartedly agree. A therapist who has training in the specific type of abuse you have experienced, who is good at attuning to your needs, and whose style is an organic fit for you is a gift and a privilege. Unfortunately, a great therapist is not accessible for everyone.

I’m also an animist, and I believe that wisdom and healing are not only facilitated through human to human relationships. We are surrounded by many wise beings, should we take notice of them.

Plants have been in vital relationships with humans for as long as our species has been around, sharing physical medicine and spiritual wisdom. In addition to keeping us alive, they offer tremendous support as healers and teachers. Like any wise elder (they predate us and can be considered our ancestors), they have specific skills, songs, power, and lessons to share. I also see healing as a layered process between species: working with a plant may resource you in a way that makes it easier to trust other humans for healing and vice versa. There is a web of interconnected support around you, even if it is hard to see at times.

I partnered with plant medicine educator, Registered Herbal Therapist (British Columbia Herbalist’s Association), and naturalist guide, Lindsay Hounslow, to create a list of plants that we know intimately and have seen help our clients over the years with the spiritual and emotional sides of abuse recovery.

Lindsay teaches herbalists at a local college. This is how she introduces her students to new plants, and we invite you try this with any of the plants that call to you from our list below:

1. Meet the plant through pictures, visits with live plants, reading, or holding the herb before ingesting it.

2. Be in the plant’s presence before inviting it into your body.

3. Start with a low dose (a sip or tea or a drop of tincture).

4. Notice its colour, smell, taste, the feeling in your mouth.

5. Notice any other sensations that arise, any words, wishes that come up for you.

6. Remember that humans and plants co-evolved, so we all inherently have the capacity to connect with plants. Go slow, be gentle with yourself, and listen deeply.

For those who are intuitively inclined, Lindsay and I both also encourage journeying or sitting with a plant spirit and inviting them to show you who they are through your intuition. Be curious and notice what you sense, see, smell, and hear in your intuitive landscape.

Our List of Plant Allies for Abuse Recovery:

written for you entirely by humans (with the help of plants)

Rosemary (Rosmarinus officinalis):

A great ally for anyone looking to nurture true self connection. Rosemary ignites the inner fire, creating a sense of presence, focus, and direction. Rosemary has a long history of use for memory, supported by both tradition and modern research. The scent of Rosemary shifts our brain wave patterns and wakes us up. Rosemary also stimulates blood flow and digestion, and is therefore a very activating ally. This brings us into the present, with warmth in the body and focus in the mind. As an ally, Rosemary helps us forge our own path led by our own passions.

Bees love Rosemary, and as a relatively early flowering plant it feeds pollinators at a key time in their seasonal cycle. Rosemary, like other Mint family plants, is also great at developing mycorrhizal connections thus supporting the local soil network.

Ways to engage: Rosemary can be used as a tea, tincture, a talisman, or smelled as a fresh herb. Rosemary may also be used as a wash or in plant baths, releasing memories that are unwanted, and clearing away old belief structures.

Internal use caution: avoid therapeutic dose in pregnancy, avoid use with Immunosuppressants, take separately from iron supplements, caution with high blood pressure and related headaches.

Hawthorn (Crataegus spp.):

There are numerous Hawthorn species in Europe and on Turtle Island, and all are used interchangeably. Hawthorn (leaf and flower) allows us to rest in our own heart’s space. Hawthorn (berry) is the great connector, enabling one’s heart space to resonate with strength. When we feel overwhelmed by others and can’t hear our own inner wisdom, Hawthorn helps to shelter us from the outside so we can reconnect with ourselves. From that place we can then reach outward integrating our own knowing with the outside world.

Hawthorn is a vital part of the ecosystems it inhabits, offering shelter and food to animals, especially birds. As the name suggests, Hawthorn has thorns, which protect the plant. It has long been used to create hedgerows. Imagine you want to create a barrier between yourself and others, but you don’t want a brick wall. Hawthorn could provide some protection for your inner space. The thorns prevent others from crashing in, while gentle visitors, like song birds, can still visit.

Ways to engage: Dried Hawthorne flowers or berries can be used in tea, can be taken internally in a tincture sitting with or journeying to Hawthorn tree, can be taken in a tincture.

Internal use caution: Hawthorn is often used as a medicine for the heart, thus caution for those taking heart medications.

Oak (Quercus spp.):

There are numerous species of Oak and while your neighbouring tree may offer some insights to you based on local adaptations, there are some common threads in Oak’s medicine. Oak is a tree of strength and boundaries. In Druidic traditions Oak stands at the gateway to the spirit world and protects travellers. Oak is strong and durable and helps us connect with decisiveness and the ability to stand true with our own inner knowing. Oak helps us when we feel pulled by other people’s choices and opinions and unable to make a firm choice for ourselves. Oak protects our edges with its thick bark and astringent medicine and reminds us that we can filter what we let in and walk strongly on our own pathway.

Oak is an important habitat and food source for squirrels and habitat for birds. Its deciduous leaves offer shade in summer, and nourish the soil when they fall in Autumn. It is a steady companion and a linking point in the ecological network.

Ways to engage: Oak is a very strong astringent and rarely used internally. It is best to meet this ally as a living tree, or to carry a talisman of wood or an acorn.

Agrimony (Agrimonia eupatorium):

Agrimony is a herbaceous plant in the Rose family with a bright yellow flower. It acts on the urinary system, the liver, and like most Rose family plants, it has connections with the emotional heart. With all these centres engaged, Agrimony creates a beautiful energetic bridge in the body that brings us to a point where we can extend that opening to the voice, speaking up about our feelings and asking for justice and truth. Agrimony also breaks through beliefs based on externally imposed notions, expectations, and exploitations. It is a protective plant for those who feel their space has been invaded.

If you know you’re safe to speak up, Agrimony can rekindle your voice. If you aren’t in a safe situation to speak up, then consider another Rose family ally to work with, such as Hawthorn or Rose.

Ways to engage: Agrimony can be used as an ally as a flower essence or low dose tincture. For a slow process, grow it in the garden and feel the shifts throughout the season. Plant cuttings can be placed on the body, under the pillow, or in a bath to clear psychic space. Agrimony can also be used in ritual to protect space or clear damaging entanglements. Before engaging in clearing work with agrimony, get to know the plant for some time. Look at pictures of it, sit with it, ask questions. Ask for help from a human who is skilled in working with plants spiritually if you need it.

Internal use caution: as Agrimony is astringing (drying to the bowels), use caution if you tend to constipation and avoid taking it with iron supplementation.

Lemonbalm (Melissa officinalis):

Lemonbalm helps people to feel safe. It is great for people who are experiencing nervous system hypersensitivity and are overstimulated easily by both sensory input and social input. It is also useful for those who feel unsafe, even when no danger is present. Lemonbalm helps with anxiety, such as social anxiety, fear of speaking in public, or exam anxiety. It calms the fluttering heart, quiets the external noise, and connects us with a place of ease and light. Lemon balm also helps restore faith in yourself and others, brings joy, lightness, and ease.

Lemonbalm attracts and feeds pollinators, particularly bees. When the stalks are left overwinter it also provides habitat for beneficial insects, such as Lady Bugs.

How to engage: Lemonbalm is great as a tincture or tea, particularly fresh when accessible. It is easy to grow and smells amazing when you brush up against it. It is also a joyous herb to add to a plant bath.

Internal use caution: be cautious or avoid with hypothyroidism and thyroid medication.

Yarrow (Achillea millefolium):

Yarrow has a long history of use as a protective plant. It is tissue healing for the skin, thus helping to maintain the physical boundary of the body. It is also used for spiritual boundaries. The flower essence is helpful for sensitive people who feel easily overwhelmed, and are highly empathic taking on other’s emotions and being left feeling depleted. Yarrow is a shielding ally, helping us find compassionate embodiment so we can meet others while maintaining our own self.

Yarrow plays key roles in its ecosystem by feeding and housing pollinators and other beneficial insects. It also accumulates minerals, cycling nutrients in the soil. This is a plant species that has lived for millennia all across the Northern Hemisphere, and thus has shared ancestral pathways with many of Earth’s people.

Ways to engage: Yarrow may be used as a flower essence, low dose tincture, tea, in plant baths, or as dried herb carried on the body.

Internal use caution: Yarrow should not be used internally during pregnancy or by those with allergy to the Aster family.

Rue (Ruta graveolens):

The origin of its name means to set free, which is exactly what rue does. It is also called herb of grace. Rue helps you shine from within. It helps you to see what has been hidden, while holding the space to strengthen your will and your spirit. Strongly protective from negative influences, Rue has long been used for clearing, protection, and blessing. Rue helps center people who are experiencing fear and terror or intrusive thoughts. It helps rebuild internal cohesion deeply connected to your own essence, especially after psychically confusing or fracturing experiences. It is both a strong and graceful healer for recovering your inner light.

Ways to engage: Smelling the fresh herb, sleeping with Rue under your pillow (can enhance dreams), hang over doorways, take as a flower essence. With the consent of the plant, can be used in ritual clearings or to make poppets.

Internal use caution: Do not use Rue during pregnancy and lactation. Fresh Rue can cause dermatitis and internal use and external contact can cause photosensitization.

These plants are our beloved companions, but you could find partnership and trust with any plant that finds you. Perhaps it is your favourite tea herb, a plant in your neighbourhood, or a plant that your ancestors knew. The key is to move at your own pace, following your own instincts and inner knowing. Remember, plants move slowly and quietly.

If you have a fruitful relationship with one of these plants, or a story of how one of them came into your life, we would love to hear about it! Also, if this article could help someone you know, please share.

For all those who have experienced abuse–may your roots grow strong. May the wide web of support around you flourish. May healing flow toward you through the many pathways offered on this earth.

Healing takes many forms.

Bio

Rayann is an educator, researcher, and ritualist. She helps 1:1 clients and groups get to know their guides and ancestors, recover from spiritual abuse, and unlock creativity. Currently completing her MSc in the Psychology of Coercive Control at the University of Salford, Rayann also assists research projects at the University of Victoria studying cult survivors’ mental health needs. She lives, quilts, writes, practices Seiðr, and dances on Lekungwen ancestral lands (Victoria, BC, Canada). Rayann co-facilitates Tending the Writer’s Flame and is a member of the Right Use of Power Institute and the Association for Spiritual Integrity.

Learn more: Rayanngordon.com

These can be as subtle as micromanaging an employee (overuse of power) or not holding a boundary when a professional boundary is needed (underuse of power).

This is relationship. It is not about perfection! Power dynamics are a living force, and learning to skillfully wield power is a mythic journey— discovering where true power lies and how to translate it well with fellow humans and other than humans is all about connection.

I recently had the privilege of speaking to a client who took the brave steps to voice concerns to her spiritual mentor. She was aware of a community member who had been traumatized by the teacher, and was worried about her colleague’s well being as well as the effects of un-resolved teacher-student conflict on the whole community.

She asked her mentor to step up and face it.

Conversations like this between student and teacher often don’t happen, because the risk is high. My client could lose her spiritual community, her relationship with her mentor, and perhaps even her faith in the spiritual tradition she has been studying for years if it doesn’t go well. Like so many spiritual groups, this is a ‘one teacher at the top’ situation, and his actions and relationship to power will set the tone for the whole community.

As my client and I spoke about how she could go forward, we acknowledged the depths of the unknown. Neither of us knew exactly what happened between her mentor and the other student. We also acknowledged that we didn’t know what kind of person her mentor was or would turn out to be in his relationship to power.

I told her what I do know, which is this:

There are spiritual teachers who don’t have much education around power, so if they misuse it, they aren’t sure how to repair, apologize, or perhaps even to recognize what has gone awry. They might not have good mentors in the area or resources that can help them navigate a complex situation (like the Association for Spiritual Integrity). When a painful situation arises, they might turn away from it, try to bury it in the past, or subtly turn other students away from the person who brought the issue to light.

The shadow grows. It might be unintentional and come from lack of skill and awareness, but every time a situation like this unfolds, the pain and shadow in the community grows.

And then there are the teachers who have a pattern of abusing power and are not interested in changing it. The ones who coerce, control, lie, shame, forbid dissent, and use their traditions or a distorted image of divinity to justify the abuse. The teachers who leave a record of destruction behind them, not a record of repair. Unfortunately, none of this will be advertised on the flyers for their program, church, or retreat, so community members usually only find out too late.

Some teachers fall in between these two groups.

I like to believe in a world where given the right resources, even a few of those more entrenched in abusing power might choose to get help and make it part of their spiritual practice to heal, make amends, and engage relationship and power in a wildly different way. I hope for this, and if you have ever seen a good example of this, please tell me, because those cases need to be celebrated.

From my experience in a bunch of different spiritual settings and academically as a coercive control researcher, what I know is that many of these consistently abusive, cult leader types embody what Daniel Shaw calls a traumatizing narcissist. This is the leader who gets a thrill off of subjugating you. It is your smallness that feeds them, and the power and control over you that keeps them going. Dominance is their motivation, so repair, education about power, taking responsibility, and change are real no-gos for them, because all of that defeats what is motivating them, which is having power over you.

I told my client, “I really hope that your mentor is in the ‘misuse of power, doesn’t quite have the resources or skills to know how to repair yet’ category.”

“We will see”, she said.

And she’s right, she made a bold offering. She offered resources and reflection to her spiritual mentor, and he will get to decide how he moves forward.

A test for good leadership

It can be hard to find out if a spiritual teacher is ‘good’ or a safe person to work with. The spiritual marketplace is a disco ball of expressions of power, and unless someone has been widely publicized as a cult leader, you don’t really get advance notice on how they relate with power before you sign up for their workshop or community.

Here is a measure you can keep with you, that I hope makes it a little easier:

If misuse of power happens, when given the resources and opportunity to repair, what does the person in the position of leadership do?

If they have many issues come up and many opportunities to repair from misuse or abuse of power, what do they do over time? Does the pattern look like healing or a legacy of trauma, ex-communication, and tightening control?

Connect the dots and you will see whether they are leaving a legacy of love or harm in their wake.

Me + You in 2026?

As I peer into the darkness toward 2026, and look in between the lit candles of my existing projects, I see space for a small number of collaborations that align with my current work on:

• Animism

• Ritual

• Cults

• Spiritual Abuse

If you host a podcast, run a panel series, curate guest writers, like to interview people for your newsletter, or do something else that is wonderful, let’s connect and see where our work intersects.

Appreciating

1. Tending the Writer’s Flame (Jan 30-Feb 1) - a weekend long ritual space devoted to the writer within is already 40% full. Register early to join us for a weekend of myth and muse in Nanaimo, BC.

2. My favorite new pride flag earrings made by CampChaos

3. Jessica Vallenti’s reporting on the horror show that is forced pregnancy in the USA

4. My morning soul food: When the Light of the World Was Subdued, Our Songs Came Through: A Norton Anthology of Native Nations Poetry. Edited by Joy Harjo.

5. Protecting my attention with GREYSCALE: I’ve had my iphone with a greyscale color filter on for 2 months now and love it. My screen time dropped by 30-60 min a day. I still take pictures and edit them on my computer.

For those in the Northern hemisphere - may the sweet darkness of December hold you well.

Bio

Rayann is a ritualist, artist, and researcher. She helps 1:1 clients and groups get to know their guides and ancestors, recover from spiritual abuse, and unlock creativity. Currently completing her MSc in Psychology of Coercive Control, Rayann also assists research at the University of Victoria studying cult survivors’ mental health needs. She lives, quilts, writes, practices Seiðr, and dances on Lekungwen territory (Victoria, BC, Canada). Rayann co-facilitates Tending the Writer’s Flame and is a member of the Right Use of Power Institute and the Association for Spiritual Integrity.

Learn more: Rayanngordon.com

Was it all fake?

This is one of the questions that weighs on spiritual abuse survivors and even outsiders. Can a wise, powerful, great healer, or spiritual teacher be abusive?

Here is the most important thing I learned from working closely with an abusive spiritual teacher:

There are state experiences. And there are student-teacher relationships. Learning to separate the two is a fine art that just might free you from a whole lot of pain.

By state experience I mean heart opening, mind opening, tears-streaming-down-your-face divine peace, unity, or power. Or periods of non-self. A temporary shift in consciousness that is an awakening or peak experience. There are many other states, but in this essay I'm talking about the wowee divine bliss fireworks kind. Amma's former assistant, Gail Treadwell, had one of these when she first heard Amma chant.

Even if Amma opens hearts with her chanting, does trance dances embodying deities, and gives a phenomenal hug, does that make her someone you should trust with your soul?

The Lover Analogy

Here's an analogy I like that helps me navigate the tension between state experiences and roles of spiritual authority:

Imagine a lover. Someone new who you have an out-of-this-world erotic experience with.

After this incredible encounter, do you assume you should get married? Start a business together? Trust this person with your emotional, financial, and spiritual life? Or worse, become subservient to them forever?

If you have more dating experience, you might appreciate the experience for what it was and move on, or explore the relationship gradually with caution. You might be assessing: How does this person relate to anger? Boundaries? How are their finances? How do they handle conflict? What are their values? You also might ask friends for feedback about your new lover (couples therapist Stan Tatkin calls this vetting) and tell this new lover your non-negotiables before committing.

All of that would be harder if thousands of people were constantly telling you how amazing your lover is. Or if they had written bestselling books about their exceptional wisdom, abilities, and what a great partner they are. The power would tip in their favor quickly.

Chasing the Fire

A spiritual teacher may have magnetic energy, a field of influence around them to elicit devotion or a particular state experience, or a mystical reputation (which may be real or fabricated). They can also bring years of their own experiences and initiations to the space and the power of the spirits they work with. Your socks might be blown off by any combination of these. Perhaps something in you is ready to open and boom! Those state experiences are rocking your world. Great!

AND just because your socks were blown off once or ten times does not mean the person is a good, kind, or ethical teacher. It does not mean more of those experiences are essential to your soul path. Though if they're a cult leader, they'll likely tell you they are.

I remember speaking with a former student of a meditation teacher I studied with. "I've tried other meditation teachers, but I just can't get that feeling anywhere else... the fire! That's what I keep coming back for," she said. The conundrum was that more and more people had exposed our teacher's spiritual abuse. Where would she get that feeling now? And why was she so hooked on it that she was willing to risk abuse to get it?

The Dance is Yours

Amma's longtime attendant, Gail Treadwell, said:

"People really, really, really want to believe that in Amma there's this savior, this embodiment, and that belief is very euphoric. But the problem is the common devotee gives all that credit to Amma... when in truth it's only indirectly because of Amma. The energy and euphoria they're feeling is actually their own...They think they're feeling Amma's love, but it's actually just their own love, projected back onto them."

It took me years of walking my neighborhood wondering why I didn't feel that I owed my best dance teachers anything after the greatest dances of my life, yet I felt a confusing sense of debt to my meditation teacher each time I had an experience of expanded awareness or deep stillness. The dance teachers knew that I was the dancer, and their only job was to support my dance, which they did freely. With the meditation teacher, I was taught that students' experiences were ultimately BECAUSE of him and what he believed he was connecting them to. That their openings were his gift, their breakthroughs proof of his power (or behind closed doors - threats to it), and that their spiritual progress depended on staying with him and doing his practices.

A teacher can open doors for you or prompt a state experience and still not be a good match for a teacher-student relationship.

The heart-opening happens in your body. The peace, the ecstasy, the no-self moments are your experience of being alive. THE DANCE IS YOURS. These moments don't belong to the teacher. Though a guru may evoke interesting states, so might a rainbow, a bee, a dance, or the sound of your own voice singing. It's your nervous system and your soul doing the dance, your consciousness awakening to itself. The teacher is simply one of countless doorways life offers for remembering who you are. And life is endlessly generous with teachings and opening experiences if you invite them.

June Schedule

I have ten openings for 1:1 sessions left in June, including a rare Sunday spot. If you want a really great state experience that you can only get from me and nowhere else ever, sign up! JUST KIDDING!!!!!!

If you want support in connecting with your own ancestors and guides, or animistic healing with no guru worship, I can probably help.

Current clients book here

New to working together? Reach out and we will decide if we need to have a 15 minute consult first or go right for a session.

New clients book here

*For those in financial difficulty, session fees can be divided into two part payment plans at no additional cost.

Appreciating

1. There are a few spaces left in my dear friend Elizabeth Astor’s Heart Journey Through Nepal trip this October.

2. The Holy Hurt Podcast on spiritual trauma

3. A conversation I found so life giving with the Author of On Tyranny and On Freedom, Timothy Snyder: Avoiding the trap of ‘negative freedom’

4. 20 Lessons on resisting tyranny:

   Thinking about...

   Twenty Lessons, read by John Lithgow

   Here is my best guidance for action, rendered beautifully by the great John Lithgow. I first published these lessons more than eight years ago, in late 2016. They open the twenty chapters of On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century. Millions of you, around the world, have put these lessons to good use; it has been humbling to learn how fr…

   Listen now

   a year ago · 15498 likes · 106 comments · Timothy Snyder

5. Still loving Home Exchange for making travel so much more affordable. We have saved thousands of dollars in Airbnb costs from the free points Home Exchange is constantly giving (like for posting pics of your house) and the actual exchanges we have done - which have been nice excuses to de-clutter and also have gone well. You can get a few free nights of a Home Exchange with this code.

5. Daily Accomplishments Journal: If you tend to overlook your accomplishments/progress and be frustrated that you didn’t get more done in your creative work, this is a really sweet tool. It is changing how I see my flow as an artist over time and I love the daily creativity tracker.

When I first heard of Amma, my friends were in awe of how long she could give hugs without stopping to go to the bathroom, which added to her mythical status. People wait in line for hours in hopes of a hug that might rock their world or open their hearts.

I never ended up at an Amma event, but I liked the idea of Amma. I felt some hope and warmth imagining a nice hugging lady out there in the world creating hospitals for the poor. When Be Scofield’s articles about Amma came out, detailing evidence of physical and sexual abuse, forced confinement, economic exploitation, coerced abortions to protect the ashram’s reputation, fraudulent charities, and even mysterious deaths, I was riveted.

I had already read a book by one of Amma’s assistants who escaped the ashram. It was a classic cult story, filled with the devastating hallmarks of long-term spiritual abuse and the spell-breaking moment the author found the strength to leave. Amma’s longtime translator, Jaques Albohair, published his own book, The Amma Empire, after waiting out a 30-year gag order from Amma that kept him from disclosing sexual and financial abuse. I dug into it a little more and found an article where Amma delivers a master class in subtle spiritual gaslighting, equating anyone who sees fault in her actions as spiritually inferior. When asked about people who view her as inauthentic (despite growing evidence, like her alleged lies about never menstruating to appear more divine), she responded:

“When a poet sees a flower, he writes poetry about it; a scientist will conduct research on it; a boyfriend will give it to his girlfriend; a worm will eat it; a devotee of God will offer it to God.” (Rolling Stone, 2016)

SHE WINS THE SPIRITUAL TEACHER GASLIGHTING OLYMPICS IN MY BOOK!
It's sophisticated and deeply messed up. Just spiritual enough to sound true, beautifully poetic, and probably based in some legit non-dual teachings…but a master chess move to imply anyone who finds fault with her is a worm. She is the flower?When students hear this enough times over years they gaslight themselves out of ever questioning the guru’s behavior. The flower gets to do what they want!

When those who carefully craft an image of divine compassion turn out to be more complicated, meaner, and more disturbed than they led you to believe, it can unsteady you, even if you weren’t close to them. Reading the comments on any of Amma’s victim’s books or Scofield’s article, you’ll see some people who likely don’t know her and never worked for her that don’t let go of her sainthood easily.

These are my favorites:

Reading the comments became a kind of art project for me. I watched commenters’ minds explode as they tried to hold the tension of good and bad, of helpfulness and harm, struggling to do the impossible math to reduce their cognitive dissonance.(Amma hugged more people than she abused… so it’s okay, right?)

It feels personal, though, when you’ve identified with a guru and someone pulls back the curtain. When someone you admired, from near or far, turns out to be dangerous. As if we needed one more thing to erode faith in humanity and make the world feel even more wobbly.

What many commenters seemed to miss is that those closest to the center of a group often have a very different experience than the fans and seekers on the fringes. When multiple former assistants and translators report abuse and current ashram residents dismiss them as insane and go full DARVO, as if it's their sacred duty, while distant fans clutching their Amma dolls eat it up, I can’t help but wonder: what are these fans really devoted to?

As the dark shadows of spiritual giants like Amma come to light more often these days, I see it as brilliant opportunity. When those who once claimed superpowers, supposedly powerful enough to warrant sexual favors, are revealed as serial abusers, master manipulators, and predators who steal your money, dreams, time, identity, and sometimes soul…

It’s the moment to ask:

What forms of God truly deserve your worship?

Devotion is a pathway, and in the big wild universe, you get get to choose where you direct it.

Take your devotion off the thrones of those who feed on it with their insatiable hunger. Turn your attention to what genuinely inspires you in your community. What lights you up? What is your soul naturally drawn to? Where are your people from? How does the land where you live receive you? Where are your gifts needed? Who are your true mentors?

There, devotion grows naturally, organically, without artificial fertilizer to pump it up or pesticides to destroy your critical thinking.

I have come to delight in appreciating God/Love in everyday saints:

The guy who drove two migrants to a court hearing and didn’t let ICE take them from the car. The domestic abuse researcher who fought tirelessly for a law to protect women. The scientists who find bacteria to eat plastic. The exhausted parent who still holds their angry child with love. The countless people who offer their own gifts to the world in service: therapists, bodyworkers, artists, farmers, educators, friends, and on and on. The rainbow, the cedar tree, the dandelion, and the bee. And then there are my ancestors and their gods, the good people who have loads to teach me always.

When devotion is reclaimed from those who feed on it, it becomes fertile ground for love to bloom everywhere.

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Appreciating

1. People Leave Cults: If you know someone who is an ex-Amma member or struggling to process leaving another group, Ashlen offers a bunch of great support.

2. Listen by Patti Wipfler: The most useful parenting book ever in my opinion. Not overly prescriptive, but has super easy tools that were life changers in our house.

3. Sea Gabriel is my go-to person to receive house and land clearings from. You can reach her at: blessings@norncrafts.com

4. North of North: This is a perfect gem of a show. Inuit culture, the gorgeous arctic land of Nunavut, dreamy leads, funny and deep. I’ve watched it twice!

5. The Fire Within: a 5 month program for women age 40+ in menopause or perimenopause with earth based ritual in person retreats.

6. Tending the Writer’s Flame in Nanaimo was a gorgeous retreat. We worked old wise myths for their blessings and unhooked from modern poison myths that deplete artists. If you want to stay in the loop for future retreats, get on our mailing list.