Devotion in the age of falling gurus
When the hugging saint isn’t as nice as you thought
Revered by millions as the “hugging saint,” Amma is an Indian spiritual leader known for her marathon hugging sessions and message of compassion. Her teachings center on peace and selfless service, and she claims to have dedicated her life to the poor. She runs an ashram in India and goes to great lengths to craft and protect the image of herself as a divine figure.
When I first heard of Amma, my friends were in awe of how long she could give hugs without stopping to go to the bathroom, which added to her mythical status. People wait in line for hours in hopes of a hug that might rock their world or open their hearts.
I never ended up at an Amma event, but I liked the idea of Amma. I felt some hope and warmth imagining a nice hugging lady out there in the world creating hospitals for the poor. When Be Scofield’s articles about Amma came out, detailing evidence of physical and sexual abuse, forced confinement, economic exploitation, coerced abortions to protect the ashram’s reputation, fraudulent charities, and even mysterious deaths, I was riveted.
I had already read a book by one of Amma’s assistants who escaped the ashram. It was a classic cult story, filled with the devastating hallmarks of long-term spiritual abuse and the spell-breaking moment the author found the strength to leave. Amma’s longtime translator, Jaques Albohair, published his own book, The Amma Empire, after waiting out a 30-year gag order from Amma that kept him from disclosing sexual and financial abuse. I dug into it a little more and found an article where Amma delivers a master class in subtle spiritual gaslighting, equating anyone who sees fault in her actions as spiritually inferior. When asked about people who view her as inauthentic (despite growing evidence, like her alleged lies about never menstruating to appear more divine), she responded:
“When a poet sees a flower, he writes poetry about it; a scientist will conduct research on it; a boyfriend will give it to his girlfriend; a worm will eat it; a devotee of God will offer it to God.” (Rolling Stone, 2016)
SHE WINS THE SPIRITUAL TEACHER GASLIGHTING OLYMPICS IN MY BOOK!
It's sophisticated and deeply messed up. Just spiritual enough to sound true, beautifully poetic, and probably based in some legit non-dual teachings…but a master chess move to imply anyone who finds fault with her is a worm. She is the flower?When students hear this enough times over years they gaslight themselves out of ever questioning the guru’s behavior. The flower gets to do what they want!
When those who carefully craft an image of divine compassion turn out to be more complicated, meaner, and more disturbed than they led you to believe, it can unsteady you, even if you weren’t close to them. Reading the comments on any of Amma’s victim’s books or Scofield’s article, you’ll see some people who likely don’t know her and never worked for her that don’t let go of her sainthood easily.
These are my favorites:
Reading the comments became a kind of art project for me. I watched commenters’ minds explode as they tried to hold the tension of good and bad, of helpfulness and harm, struggling to do the impossible math to reduce their cognitive dissonance.(Amma hugged more people than she abused… so it’s okay, right?)
It feels personal, though, when you’ve identified with a guru and someone pulls back the curtain. When someone you admired, from near or far, turns out to be dangerous. As if we needed one more thing to erode faith in humanity and make the world feel even more wobbly.
What many commenters seemed to miss is that those closest to the center of a group often have a very different experience than the fans and seekers on the fringes. When multiple former assistants and translators report abuse and current ashram residents dismiss them as insane and go full DARVO, as if it's their sacred duty, while distant fans clutching their Amma dolls eat it up, I can’t help but wonder: what are these fans really devoted to?
As the dark shadows of spiritual giants like Amma come to light more often these days, I see it as brilliant opportunity. When those who once claimed superpowers, supposedly powerful enough to warrant sexual favors, are revealed as serial abusers, master manipulators, and predators who steal your money, dreams, time, identity, and sometimes soul…
It’s the moment to ask:
What forms of God truly deserve your worship?
Devotion is a pathway, and in the big wild universe, you get get to choose where you direct it.
Take your devotion off the thrones of those who feed on it with their insatiable hunger. Turn your attention to what genuinely inspires you in your community. What lights you up? What is your soul naturally drawn to? Where are your people from? How does the land where you live receive you? Where are your gifts needed? Who are your true mentors?
There, devotion grows naturally, organically, without artificial fertilizer to pump it up or pesticides to destroy your critical thinking.
I have come to delight in appreciating God/Love in everyday saints:
The guy who drove two migrants to a court hearing and didn’t let ICE take them from the car. The domestic abuse researcher who fought tirelessly for a law to protect women. The scientists who find bacteria to eat plastic. The exhausted parent who still holds their angry child with love. The countless people who offer their own gifts to the world in service: therapists, bodyworkers, artists, farmers, educators, friends, and on and on. The rainbow, the cedar tree, the dandelion, and the bee. And then there are my ancestors and their gods, the good people who have loads to teach me always.
When devotion is reclaimed from those who feed on it, it becomes fertile ground for love to bloom everywhere.
Appreciating
People Leave Cults: If you know someone who is an ex-Amma member or struggling to process leaving another group, Ashlen offers a bunch of great support.
Listen by Patti Wipfler: The most useful parenting book ever in my opinion. Not overly prescriptive, but has super easy tools that were life changers in our house.
Sea Gabriel is my go-to person to receive house and land clearings from. You can reach her at: blessings@norncrafts.com
North of North: This is a perfect gem of a show. Inuit culture, the gorgeous arctic land of Nunavut, dreamy leads, funny and deep. I’ve watched it twice!
The Fire Within: a 5 month program for women age 40+ in menopause or perimenopause with earth based ritual in person retreats.
Tending the Writer’s Flame in Nanaimo was a gorgeous retreat. We worked old wise myths for their blessings and unhooked from modern poison myths that deplete artists. If you want to stay in the loop for future retreats, get on our mailing list.
It is so very interesting I came across this post today. I was recently on a pilgrimage with a woman who stayed at that Ashram and had only praise for that experience… I could feel something off (specially with how she responded when I lost my baby on that same pilgrimage). So this makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you for highlighting this dynamic so beautifully.